#MonthOfMahir | Tuesday. Sept 2nd.


I didn’t spend any money today. Was treated to lunch, got a slice of pizza for dinner from friends and loaded up on free entertainment that work, family and friends provided.

As I head to the airport to catch a flight to LA, I’m giving myself a pep talk to thwart any unnecessary airport spending. I always look forward to purchasing magazines (Vanity Fair & Arch Digest is an airport favorite), books and sweatshirts, but today I’m committed to limiting myself to buying fruit.

I realized it’s far easier to hinder any spending on food and alcohol when I eliminate the spending factor and associate it with health and wellness. The overpriced airport breakfast I typically would enjoy is loaded with carbs and calories, which I’m not interested in, making it easier to buy an apple & enjoy the free banana provided by Delta, because my chances of an upgrade to first (and free breakfast) is slim.


I want to become a better son, big brother, grandson, nephew & cousin. Right now I’m thriving in the “he ain’t shit” category.

Week 9: Training for the Tri

I think it’s Week 9, you lose track pretty quickly once your life becomes focused around running, swimming and cycling.  

While I am enjoying training, I’m not 100% sure where I stand.  I’m extremely comfortable when cycling, but fully aware that I haven’t had enough time on the bike.  I enjoy the swimming, but only because I find it challenging, but if I omit the challenge swimming sucks and people who can’t breathe under water should stick to land. And I love running, but haven’t been on a long run (I consider long runs 7 miles or an hour) since moving to California and growing concerned about running on tired legs and fatigued lungs.

Donate Here: http://pages.teamintraining.org/calso/malibutr15/BEdwards

My favorite past-time, drinking, has taken the biggest hit because after training (I train 6 days a week) you sometimes just want water and the alcohol doesn’t seem to have the same refreshing qualities as H20. Regardless of my pessimism towards my triathlon training and lack of drinking, I  still haven’t given up and my new LA life is still consumed with the Nautica Malibu Tri, even caught myself pondering the next IronMan competition.  To ensure that I don’t over work myself and put my body at risk, I’ve hired a trainer to track my progress, monitor my nutrition and help me focus on training that will enhance my physic and endurance for race day.  If i’m being honest, the triathlon was just a great reason to splurge on a trainer and have that extra push to stay motivated during my gym sessions.

The best part about participating in a triathlon is that I don’t feel guilty for skipping social events to focus on the things I value and, most importantly, myself.  Yesterday I did chest & abs at the gym, but skipped my run and today 6am cycling was cancelled, so I plan to run and rest before swimming at 8pm.  Everyday isn’t a perfect training day and listening to my body has been key, but listening to my heart and not giving up has been the biggest training, thus far. 

Post-It Influencer

Something amazing happened to me a few days back.  I quit my job, slowed down, took time away from work to get settle in Los Angeles, and organized my life, something I do professionally as a logistics manager, yet rarely do for myself. 

As I prepared to get organized I gathered my Sharpie’s and Post-It notes; easily  two of my favorite things in the world next to drugs and alcohol, and got to work.  Before I knew it my week was organized on my kitchen wall and I stood in amazement happy with what I had accomplished.  

As I took pictures, I remembered that I had a post-it app that claimed to take your post-it notes and digitize them.  I had already taken the pictures, already had the app, so I decided to give it a shot. The result of my post-it session left me in complete and utter mindfuck. Using the app I was able to .pdf the collage, reorganize notes, change colors and share… Un-Fucking-Believable!

Since nothing is 2015 really happened unless shared on social media, I took to Instagram & Twitter to publicly battle my commitment issues and proclaim my love for 3M and Post-It’s.  Post-It responded and now I’m waiting for an invitation to become a post-in influencer.  In the meantime, I’ll hangout on the post-it website looking up new ideas that I can use post-it notes to be creative.

Nautica Malibu Tri

I’m running my first triathlon; and I’m considering it my first because with only two weeks in I’ve invested too much money to not do at least four. 

With a coworker and new friend I signed up for the Nautica Malibu Triathlon on September 19th and i’m racing with Team for Kids raising to fight Leukemia. 

Donate Now


I signed up to race a few weeks prior moving to LA and after two weeks of training I’ve been mulling over exactly why I was racing.  I initially had started playing with the idea of moving to LA and signing up for a triathlon in Malibu was a part of me willing a move to LA into existence.  The date to financially commit was July 1 so I figured that if I didn’t move, I would have an opportunity to back out.

After moving was put into play I figured participating in the Nautica Malibu Tri would be a great way to meet people in a new city.  After signing up I could see through emails from coaches and conversations with my tri mentor (shoutout to Liz!) that this group was close and joining a supportive network would only benefit me as I navigating a new city.  I’ve been on a fitness kick for quite some time, however, my biggest regret over my 7 years in New York was not involving myself in a running network.  As I increased my running I realized that extreme fitness goals play heavily on your emotions and your extra curricular activities so having fitness friends who I could talk to was important to me.

As part of joining Team in Training we have coaches that not only coach us through our trainings and facilitate our practice drills, but also send out motivating emails that help us prepare for the week.  This week message was:

Motivation and goal settingThis is a good time in the season to start finding your motivation and setting goals for your particular race.

Motivation is something that comes from within and needs to be discovered, not invented.  Perhaps you just want to get really fit and look like a badass while doing it; for others it’s more about just finishing a race or particular distance for the first time; then we have a bunch of others who are looking to eclipse personal bests at a distances or perhaps even just one of the three disciplines.

Now is the time to start thinking through all this and then talking to your coaches about your specific goals.  We are getting to know you as athletes, know all the courses and have quite a bit of experience with this sort of thing.

In the very near future we’ll be talking to you each individually and making sure you have a plan – and mental state – that will get you where you want to go.

Your coaches for the distance,

Pete, Tim, Chris, Jeff and Liam

I was having a bad training day yesterday; I hadn’t made it out for a run and was feeling shitty about going to swim practice.  My attitude was just as shitty when I left practice as it was when I started.  I was questioning why I was doing this and starting to doubt whether or not I had made a good decision.  Raising $1800 seemed like too much money, the gear required to race was becoming way more than I anticipated and I could see how my first three months of LA was going to be centered around training and not “drinking, fucking, smoking, plotting,scheming, Plotting, scheming, getting money.”  That single email fucked me up because it made me realize that I hadn’t given this enough thought.  

After practice I talked with my “tri crew” and called it a night, but this morning as I felt much better and realized I had a reason for doing it.  While my original reasons were valid something else stuck out.  Throughout my life if things weren’t easy, I didn’t do it.  I wanted to become a lawyer and probably would’ve been a good one, but studying for the LSAT wasn’t easy so I switched my career path to entertainment PR, something that I could do without thinking. I stayed at my job as a case manager for 2 years because working there was easier than finding a job in PR, I left Roc Nation because returning to BET was more than easier (and more profitable) than remaining an assistant and I stayed at BET for years because figuring out what I wanted to do wasn’t as easy as I doing what everyone told me I was good at.  I needed to break the habit so I realized I was  running this race to teach myself discipline and commitment. Over the years I learned to be resilient and fearless, but I had also taught myself how to effectively quit and I watched myself walked away from great girls and meaningful relationships because I didn’t know how to commit to relationships that required work.

Since this blog has also been something that I failed to be discipline about and commit to for the past 7 years as I train I also intend to document this journey. 

I’m 9 week away from race day and I’m committed to my finishing. I recruited a personal trainer to help me reach my fitness goals and I hope to not only learn a lot about myself, but be better once I cross the finish line in September.

I’m still here waiting
Uncertain of where stand
Hoping you make space

i’m supposed to be writing about my experience in Los Angeles, and I intend to, but right now I’m enjoying the moment.

Hello Los Angeles

It all happened so fast, I was scared as shit, but I did it; I officially moved to Los Angeles, CA.

This moved showed me just how many people I have in my corner and I although I was headed on a different journey, I saw just how much those I surrounded myself with supported me.   

I’ve heard people describe me as fearless and I’ve often said it about myself, however, the truth is that I’m full of fear each and everyday.Acknowledging fear is not a weakness; allowing fear to hinder you is.  When fear creeps in I own it, determine the root of fear and address it head on.  

I wasn’t until I stopped burying the fear that I could learn how to get over it. I had to teach myself how to use fear as a motivational tool; a sign that I am growing, progressing and stepping out on faith to something I hadn’t yet accomplished.  

While pledging Alpha I was taught that fear is F.alse E.vidence A.ppearing R.eal so now I F.uck E.verything A.ltering R.eality.  While doing anything unconventional people will attempt to transfer their fear on to you, but why let someone’s else’s reality, affect yours.

Hello, LA!


I’m tired.

I was really late to work.  I’ve been late to work all year, but I’m happier.

I should probably consider not drinking.

I think I might need to clean my beard up and go back to haircuts.  I’m starting to think that I look like I stink… and I actually smell really good.

I just made a haircut appointment. 

My head hurts, which is why I should stop drinking.

I no longer have the juice… I stood outside of Up & Down last night for 30 minutes… Knew a ton of people going in and coming out… still couldn’t get in. 

Even though I stopped going out and lost my juice… I do love to juice.  Drinking one right now to help cure this hangover.

I have a graduation to attend tonight and I will probably look like the drunk uncle – If my day goes well, I might show up drunk.

It’s summer Friday… which really means nothing. 

I haven’t been on a run or to the gym in a while.  I don’t miss either, YET.

I’m “homeless” and enjoying it.

I’m tired.

Goodbye New York

Yesterday I moved out of my Harlem apartment. I’ve lived in New York for 7 years, stayed in Harlem for 5 years, moved within the building once, lived with two people I considered not only my two of my closest friends, but my brother & sister, threw some AWESOME house parties and got to know a lot of people in h neighborhood – will i miss it – hopefully not.

Harlem had become my safe; Living with two roommates was responsible. Yesterday I (temporarily) gave up both to chill with friends and hang out while killing time before dinner plans (rarely ever visited friends), took a long train ride to Brooklyn with luggage, and to couch surf in Brooklyn.

The result, I woke up feeling pretty damn good about my decision. I’ve always been the safe friend. The one with the apartment, the one waking up to couch dwevvllers, entertaining ‘homeless’ friends in between plans, and yes, I’ve always been a risk taker, but I’ve always been responsible & safe and sometimes responsible & safe don’t push you to what’s next.

PS: working in Manhattan and living in Brooklyn sucks. My normal express train & 20 min commute, required a bus and took me over an hour to get to work.

Lucky to have a few friends that I look up to, aspire to be like and always make sure that I’m in a good space.  Thanks Jenisha for hosting. 

Me, that or this.

I’ve gotten so used to being tired that I’m tired of being used to it
And I know that if I don’t change my surroundings, my surroundings will eventually begin to change me

Some days I have so many ideas that concentrating on one seems like I’m cheating myself
And other days my thoughts run so rapid that I spread myself thing before anything gets done

In a perfect world I could be everything to everybody, while being everything for myself
But that’s not my reality I had to decide what’s more important; Me, that or this.   

Things to Do

I like art and I hope that one day art likes me…

Tina Barney: Four Decades
Paul Kasmin Gallery
293 Tenth Avenue, New York
May 7 - June 20, 2015
Opening reception, May 7, 6 - 8 PM

May 14-17
Corn Exchange Building (81-85 East 125th Street).
Public Opening Hours: Thursday, May 14 – Saturday, May 16: 11am – 8pm Sunday, May 17: 11am – 6pm Admission: General Admission $20 Students and Seniors $15 Group discounts $10 (10 people or more)

May 7 - 17  |  Noon - 8 PM
461 W. 14th Street at 10th Avenue
New York City

Yoko Ono: One Woman Show, 1960–1971
May 17–September 7, 2015
The International Council of The Museum of Modern Art Exhibition Gallery, sixth floor