It hadn't hit me that I would be bored tonight until around 5pm when my girlfriend (GF), who was heading to an acting gig, told me she wasn't going to be back home until "late late" as she headed downstairs to catch her Lyft. She had invited me to set, but I didn't want to be the creep hanging around the crafty table & questioning what is and isn't vegan while stealing chips & peanuts. Instead, I figured I would let her be great at work & hit the streets. Anticipating watching my friends choose & be chose while I play wingman until my GF got off work, I started the group chat like an old pro (or an old man) returning for a good time...
"What's happening tonight?!," I texted. I wanted to seem like I hadn't been happily spending Friday nights with my girlfriend at home for the past few months.
I thought I was going to be instructed to meet up at a bar, preferably The Dime, or uber to someones house before going to somebody's something, yet I was only reminded that I wasn't in New York and that I'm almost 30 with grown ass friends.
Guy: Laundry & gym!! 😝😝😝
Girl: I'm just cleaning and about to wash my hair and work on crap.
Me: I'm about to do laundry too. Lol But I assume that this is the adult way of everyone telling me they aren't event interested in doing shit later tonight.
Knowing that I would have to entertain myself tonight vs playing wingman I wasted no time. I smoked a bowl, then I cooked - my GF doesn't have a microwave so I had to remove the brown rice from the microwaveable bag and prepare in the skillet - smoked again, text my girl, sent random "What's Up? " messages to a few friends outside of LA, and cued up Xfinity to catch up on TV, which involves me tapping into my Aunt & Uncle's DVR in Virginia and streaming it on my MacBook.
I resorted to a mashup of GIRLS (HBO), porn and Instagram. After some more bowl hits and two hours of laughing at aimless White girls do White girl shit it was only 8 o'clock and I was faced with the decision of going to sleep, waiting up for my girlfriend, or going to sleep. I decided to do that laundry I had referenced, after convincing myself that laundry is exactly what Jesus would do if he were high and alone at his GF's house on a Friday night. Another bowl hit as I gathered my laundry and proceeded to the basement. As I prepared to load the washer, I felt like my Friday night needed to end better than this so I opted to walk to the neighborhood laundromat to "get some air," some Oreos; which I just read were Vegan, & duck into a bar while my clothes washed. With my beanie, tattered shirt & Birkenstocks I highly walked to the laundromat feeling like I was going to win tonight, but after arriving and lapping around the laundromat looking for an attendant or quarters dispenser I realized that this wasn't going to be the cool hipster experience I was looking for. Instead I wasted 10 minutes & lost $4, before realizing that I had to get a laundry card from 7-Eleven.